dot hack Curse of the Ham Hams
by Kamon
Summary: Every generation of dot hacker is on the edge of destroying their counterparts when the Ham-Hams attack!
1. LOGIN 1

Sup again my darlin' fans! Well, I've not been getting many reviews so I'm hoping I haven't offended anyone, but I'm hoping this story will do great because its is a collaboration (ooooh, big word) of great minds. vanityangel, cracker184, and myself created this story. If you've heard of at least one of these authors and liked them, please review this! You're beginning to make me sad . . . .

DISCLAIMER: None of us that wrote this story own _.hack _or any of its characters, so please don't sue us.

LOGIN 1

"Dammit, Kite, heal me NOW!" BlackRose yelled as she was knocked down by one of the monsters she was fighting.

"I'm a little busy myself," Kite muttered as he defended himself, "try asking Balmung."

"Give me a second," said Balmung as he felled his fifth monster, "Phal Repth!"

"Thanks," said BlackRose as she defeated her monster.

As soon as Kite defeated his monster, they proceeded lower into the dungeon. The three friends are the strongest players in "The World." They have faced many enemies, but they were not prepared for the virus that was about to cripple every server except Mac Anu.

Yes I know it is a very, VERY, **VERY**, short chapter, but this is just a preview of what's to come. It gets funnier and more exciting as we begin to post new chapters.


	2. LOGIN 2

Well I know its been probably a week since I've posted this story, so sorry for the delay, here is the beginning of the Ham Hams attack.

LOGIN 2

"No waaaay! You got one? I want it, I want it, I want it! ()" yelled Mistral as Kite told her about the Golden Grunty his party had found in the dungeon, "I'll trade you my Book of Accuracy for it!"

"You can have it," Kite said as Mistral stopped digging for the book, "I don't need it."

"You're not joking, right! Please tell me you're not joking," Mistral pleaded to Kite.

"I'm not," said Kite as he handed the item to Mistral. As Mistral received her gift, she threw her arms around him and spazzed out, "Oh, thank you, Kite! You're like a son to me these days! (A/N- I'm sure all of you know Mistral is a housewife with a kid.-Kamon) Speaking of children, have you seen Mirei running around here?"

"No . . ." said a confused Kite.

"Oh, that's right, you don't know Mirei's Member Address do you? I guess it's only that character that looks exactly like you. I think his name was Shobu? Sango? Shugo! That was it, his name was Shugo," said Mistral after a long, coffee-fueled, speech.

"Do you have his Member Address?" Kite said as he began to think of a plan to eliminate Shugo.

"No, but if we find Mirei, she would have it," said Mistral as they left the pub they had met in.

As they began to roam around Dun Loireag, the screen began to flicker and all of the Grunties began to disappear. (A/N Oh no! Not the Grunties-cracker184) Suddenly in place of all the Grunties were hamsters that wore different articles of clothing and knew multiple languages. Kite at this moment panicked and called all of the dot hackers together for a meeting.

So how do you people like this? It's still going to get funnier, so keep on reading and reviewing!


	3. LOGIN 3

Yes, yes, I know, two updates in one day is unusual for the three of us. But we feel confident that our readers will be please, anyway, this is the chapter where the hamsters attack! Enjoy!

LOGIN 3

"Where the hell did all of these damn hamsters come from!" yelled BlackRose as she was attacked by the hamsters.

"I don't know," said Kite, "but it was probably that loser, Shugo. I think we should delete him."

"I think it was that hacker bitch, Helba!" shouted Balmung.

"I know! Let's call every dot hack character we know and ask them," said Mistral as she called Mirei.

(A/N I'm typing from this point, fool. vanityangel)

Meanwhile, the so-called "2nd generation of dot hackers" were in Mirei's secret room.

"What the heck just happened?" Shugo yelled as hamsters swarmed into the room.

Rena was hiding behind Shugo, using her annoying voice, screaming, "Shugo, help! Help!" While Mirei was spazzing out, trying to get as many of the hamsters as possible, yelling, "Rare items, rare items, and more rare items!"

Hotaru was in the corner of the room, holding on to her former Grunty, now a hamster, making sure she doesn't lose it. Ouka, on the other hand, was kicking every hamster out the window and complaining about how freakin' weak they are.

After a while, the hamsters were finally out of the room as Ouka panted after such a pathetic fight. Everyone was in confusion, and prepared to sit down and rest when a hamster's squeak was heard. All paused and turned toward Mirei. She appeared to be hiding something.

"Mirei . . . what is that behind your back?" Ouka asked, with a smile full of evil and anger. She snatched the object from Mirei, and found it to be those horrifying hamsters in a cage.

"No! Please! Don't take my rare items from me!" Ouka ignored Mirei's plea, her eyes shinning, pure of evil, and threw it out of the window.

"Noooo!" Mirei screamed and fell to the floor, crying . . . This silence continued on for a while, until Mirei suddenly stopped crying, put her head up, and said to the team, "Mommy's calling for us, we'd better go."

Sorry for all of the hamster and Rena bashing. I can't control vanityangel's mind, but the hamster bashing was a combination of our minds. LOGIN 4 soon to be posted.


End file.
